Three months ago I delivered my first child. After a wonderful (and thankfully short) 5 hour delivery I found myself swept up in a whirlwind of bed rest, family in overwhelming amounts, and my body suddenly belonging to someone else.
Although I am so thankful for all I have, and the ability to nourish and nurture my son, I was unprepared for loosing the definitions of where I end and another begins. So imagine my surprise when I finally felt my own dimensions in an attempt to connect with my baby. I purchased a "mommy and me" yoga disc and decided to watch it one time through before attempting the routine, by myself, at 4 am, after pumping.
I pressed play, took my place on my mat, and sobbed. I felt amazing. Months of caring and growing a baby, making a new home, and holding it all together, suddenly and forcefully released through deep breaths.
After composing myself I refocused and allowed myself to be in the moment. Later into the routine the instructor prompted us to feel our babies and be with them. Even though my little guy was fast asleep upstairs, I was suddenly completely overtaken with tears, once again. By releasing my tears, I was able to feel even more for him, and myself.
I have been slowly practicing more and me, with less outbursts, but still find myself welling up right in the beginning. Whether it be from displaced tension, unresolved emotion, or simply being overwhelmed at having one whole hour for my own self, I have learned to relish in whatever emotions are stretched out of me.